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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27679903">The Seven Seas of Why</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctawhomst/pseuds/doctawhomst'>doctawhomst</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (1963)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cruise Ships, Food, Other, Thoschei, UNIT trying to find the flipping sauna, not as funny as the duck fic but I hope it's at least a bit funny, the Doctor and the master and shenanigans, tsundere threegado</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 00:53:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,121</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27679903</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctawhomst/pseuds/doctawhomst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When UNIT goes on a cruise ship for a well-deserved holiday, Jo Grant makes the Doctor promise that there won't be any trouble. Trouble though, is always just around the corner, especially when your best enemy is there with it...<br/>The Master and the Doctor make a deal. The Doctor does whatever the Master wants, and the Master won't ruin Jo's holiday. Easy as pie. At least, as easy as a pie with an atomic bomb buried in the whipped cream.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), Third Doctor/The Master (Delgado)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Someone Dropped Their Doll</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Never before had a commercial airplane been filled with so many UNIT personnel. Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart had wanted to use one of UNIT’s jets, but the jets were limited to UNIT business only, and the head of the board would not authorize the use for going to Florida for the investigation of the “strange happenstances” of the region. After all, there had been no reports of anything that could possibly involve the extraterrestrial or anything else that was strange, except for some rowdy scoundrels who had attempted to raise alligators to give to small children at Christmastime. </p><p>The Doctor leaned back in his seat as he looked out the window. He was lucky enough that his assistant and friend, Jo Grant, had been kind enough to let him have it. She cheerily chatted with Yates, who sat beside her. </p><p>The Brigadier and Benton were both snoring away in their seats on the row across the aisle from the Doctor’s row. </p><p>Jo turned to the Doctor. “Are you still upset that you couldn’t get your TARDIS to work to take us to the cruise ship?”</p><p>“Well, I’ve just been thinking, that’s all,” the Doctor said in a gentle tone, moving his hand from his face. His arm tingled from starting to fall asleep. “And sitting still for an hour is hardly my forte, let alone sitting still for over nine. I’m still upset that I couldn’t get the TARDIS to work, but never mind that, Jo. We’ll still enjoy ourselves just the same.”</p><p>Jo smiled. The morning sunlight glinted in her hair, making her disposition seem even sunnier. “Did you get any sleep last night, Doctor?”</p><p>“I took a sleeping pill, and I slept like a baby.”</p><p>“What do you plan to do first on the cruise ship? I think I’d like to read on one of those lounge chairs that the brochure pictures showed. I wanted to read the rest of the way to Florida, but I’m much too excited.”</p><p>“I think I’ll do a little bit of exploring,” the Doctor said with a smile. “What about you, Yates? What plans do you have for when we get aboard the cruise ship?”</p><p>“I’ll stay out of trouble, if I were you, Doctor. I think I want to try one of those saunas. It’s been far too long since I’ve been in a proper sauna,” Yates said, leaning in a bit so the Doctor could see his face. </p><p>“Well, I’d avoid turning the color of a lobster if I were you, Captain. Besides, I don’t usually go looking for trouble--trouble finds me!”</p><p>“Doctor, oh, please don’t get into any trouble. That’s the last thing anyone needs on the cruise. Besides, I want a nice holiday, with as little trouble as I can get,” Jo said as she clutched the armrests of her seat when a bit of turbulence shook the plane</p><p>“I won’t, Jo. I promise, I will stay out trouble,” the Doctor said as he gave her hand a pat. </p><p>Soon, one of the flight stewardesses announced that the plane was about to make its decent, as another flight stewardess moved down the aisle with a trash bucket to take trash from the passengers. The Brig and Benton woke up as the stewardess reached them and prompted for them to deposit their garbage and fasten their seatbelts.</p><p>The Doctor fastened his seatbelt before he reached to give the stewardess the empty bag from his jelly babies. Jo gave an excited grin to the Doctor and Yates after the stewardess continued down the aisle. </p><p>The Doctor returned a smile, finding Jo’s excitement to be growing in its contagion. He could hardly wait to sneak into one of the engines of the cruise ship to examine its mechanisms, or to see all that the cruise ship had in the way of entertainment. He produced the brochure from his pocket to flip through it at least once more before the plane made its landing. </p><p>Soon, the stewardesses were back at their seats just as the plane began to dip down towards the earth. The Doctor held onto his armrests just barely, the descent hardly bothering him. </p><p>Poor Jo, however, looked a little green. The Doctor pulled a spare vomit bag from his pocket and handed it to her for her to vomit in if she needed to. Jo took it from him, thanking him, but her feeble voice as lost in the roar of the aeroplane’s engine.</p><p>About thirty minutes later, all was all right, and Jo hadn’t vomited. The UNIT personnel and the Doctor all got their carry-on luggage, got through the airport and got their other luggage from the baggage claim, and they were soon on the shuttle on the way to the docks.</p><p>The Doctor had expected the air to be damp and miserable, how it usually was whenever he found himself in Florida, but today it wasn’t quite so hot. He was glad to be already wearing his outrageously patterned vacation shirt and bermuda shorts, instead of his usual attire. Jo had gasped and called his outfit for their holiday atrocious when she had seen it, but the Doctor was rather proud of the attire he picked out and purchased legally, instead of stealing from a medical doctor’s dressing room again. </p><p>The cruise ship was, of course, waiting for its passengers at the loading dock. Someone came to cart everyone’s luggage onto the boat, as a tour guide lead the group onto the ship, giving them all a basic rundown of the emergency procedures and where the dining hall, the deck, and the swimming pool were. Then, the tour guide showed them to their cabins and left them to enjoy their trip.</p><p>The Doctor deposited his luggage into his cabin and started to make his way down the hallway. </p><p>Jo exited her own cabin, already donning a bathing suit, a big sunhat, and sunglasses. She waved to the Doctor. “I’m just going to the swimming pool. Care to join, Doctor?”</p><p>“No, thank you, I’ll do some exploring for a bit.” The Doctor smiled. “Have fun, Jo.”</p><p>“Thank you, Doctor, you too,” she said with another wave before she walked off. </p><p>The Doctor watched her go, then headed for the lift. Any sensible person would have told him that he should probably look for a map of the ship before going somewhere he hadn’t been directed to by the tour guide. But there wouldn’t be any fun in that. </p><p>The Doctor pressed the button for lift once he was inside, to a level he knew he could probably find the engine. He glanced down at his sandaled feet as the lift started down.<br/>
The Doctor blinked a as he spotted something in the corner of the carpeted floor of the lift. He bent over and picked up a tiny doll.<br/>
His hearts skipped a beat. </p><p>That wasn’t any old tiny doll--it was a doll that looked like a man in captain’s clothing. And there was only one person who could have made that sort of doll, or rather, made someone into that sort of doll.</p><p>The Master was on board.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Date with the Devil</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW // Food</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Doctor quickly jabbed his finger into the button the for the level of the ship’s deck. He needed to warn the Brigadier, as well as Jo.</p><p>Oh dear. </p><p>The Doctor immediately remembered the promise he had made to Jo when they had still been aboard the aeroplane. No trouble. He didn’t want to ruin her holiday, and she had been through enough trouble because of the Master as it was. </p><p>The Doctor waited for the lift to reach the level of the ship’s deck, and jabbed the button for the level he hoped would have the control deck. That, he deduced, would be the most likely location of the Master. </p><p>The Doctor carefully tucked the poor captain into the front pocket of his shirt and tapped his foot as he waited for the lift to reach that level. </p><p>Finally, the lift reached the level and the door swooped open. The Doctor quickly stepped out of the lift and peered down the hallway. He decided to go left, towards the nose of the cruise ship. </p><p>Sure enough, he reached a pair of doors, labeled as the control deck, no passengers allowed. </p><p>The sign bothered him just as little as signs ever did. The Doctor opened the doors and stepped inside. </p><p>The room was empty, and the controls were left unattended to. With a click of his tongue, the Doctor took a seat at the controls and examined the barometers and other meters. Seconds later, the sonar device captured his interest until he gave his head a quick shake. He was supposed to be searching for the Master, not diddle-dallying inside the control deck. </p><p>The Doctor stood up from the seat and left the control deck. Perhaps it was best if he went to warn at least the Brigadier of the Master’s presence, but he still thought better of it. If Jo noticed that something was going on, she would know that there certainly was trouble happening during her holiday.</p><p>The Doctor racked his brains as he headed back down the corridor. Where could the Master possibly be? The Master could be tampering with the engines, or dining with the hoity toity in one of the dining rooms, or causing harm to someone else aboard the cruise. After all, the Master hardly seemed the type to be playing shuffleboard or sipping margaritas when he had his dastardly schemes to attend to. Especially if he had, as the Doctor presumed, disguised himself as the captain of the cruise ship.</p><p>The Doctor decided to go to the deck. Perhaps he could find some clues that would indicate where the Master had gone, or been frequenting during his time on the cruise ship. If the Doctor was lucky, he’d might even find the Master’s TARDIS somewhere on board. </p><p>The lift stopped at the deck and the door opened. The Doctor spotted Jo by the swimming pool. To his relief, she was too engrossed in her paperback novel to notice him. The Doctor walked past and headed for the dining room.</p><p>Yates, Benton, and the Brig stood together, all in their swimming outfits. They appeared to be poring over a map, which the Brig held all spread out. </p><p>The Brig looked up at the Doctor, his sunglasses nearly slipping off his face. “Ah, there you are, Doctor. Haven’t happened to see the sauna, have you? We can’t seem to locate it on the map.”</p><p>“Typical UNIT navigation,” the Doctor muttered sarcastically. “I haven’t seen it, Brigadier, but I believe it’s somewhere nearby. Perhaps near the gymnasium? I’m in a bit of a hurry.”</p><p>“The showgirls won’t be on until eight o’clock this evening,” Yates said with a bit of a laugh. “What could you possibly be in a hurry about.”</p><p>“No time to explain, Yates. I really must be on my way,” the Doctor said, his tone a bit more stern than he intended.</p><p>“Right. Boys, I think it’s best we sweep the area for the sauna,” the Brigadier said. “Best to leave the Doctor to whatever he’s up to, anyhow. Good luck, Doctor.”</p><p>“Good luck to you as well, Brigadier,” the Doctor said before he continued on towards the dining rooms. He gave a hasty glance towards Jo in her lounge chair before he entered through a pair of doors. </p><p>He stepped aside from the doors, so he wouldn’t be in anyone’s way. The dining room was all windows, and it was filled with sunshine and tables with heaps and heaps of food. </p><p>There was a line of people going around the tables with plates in their hands for food. The Doctor scanned the line until he spotted the Master towards the end of the line. He grabbed a plate and a tray and nearly ran into the line. </p><p>“What are you doing here?” the Doctor hissed to the Master. Sure enough, as the Doctor had expected, the renegade Time Lord had donned the clothing of a nautical captain. He wore the jacket, the cap, and the trousers. </p><p>The Master paused and plated some mashed potatoes. “I could ask the same of you, Doctor. Your little UNIT pets seemed rather busy doing insignificant things. As usual, of course.”</p><p>“We are on holiday, and you are ruining it,” the Doctor said as he piled some roasted asparagus on his plate. </p><p>“Ruining your holiday?” The Master turned to him. “I assure you, I would do no such thing. You see, I wish to ensure that all of my guests have the happiest days of their lives while they are aboard. I certainly would not purposefully ruin anyone’s holiday, least of all, yours.” He turned back to the buffet table and grabbed a small dish of assorted berries and lowered it carefully to his tray.</p><p>“I promised Jo that there would be no trouble on this cruise. Obviously, I did not have enough foresight to predict that you would be charading as the captain,” the Doctor said as he grabbed a dish of assorted melon pieces for himself.</p><p>The Master smiled a bit as he moved on to the table with meat. “I’m not charading as anything, my dear Doctor. I’m the captain now.”</p><p>The Doctor was half-tempted to shove the Master’s tray of food into his face. “I found the real captain inside the lift.”</p><p>“Ah. He must have fallen out of my pocket. Think of it  as our calling card, Doctor. You can always be assured of my presence whenever you find my little dolls,” the Master said as he used a pair of tongs to stack a few slices of ham on his plate. </p><p>“Why are you here?” the Doctor asked, his tone hopefully as stern as he wanted it to be. He decided to forgo the meat, so he just stood beside the Master as he put some steak onto his plate. “I can see that you eat as much as ever.”</p><p>“Doctor, I am here because I have found that the oceans of earth are the perfect places to broker allegiances on neutral territory. I simply want to befriend some people from another planet in this solar system, and I couldn’t do that as a mere passenger.” The Master moved on to the dessert table. </p><p>“An allegiance with whom?” the Doctor demanded as he followed him to the table, which had desserts of all kinds. A sign in elegant lettering informed that there would be a chocolate fountain placed there at five o’clock in the evening. </p><p>The Master didn’t respond as he grabbed an empty dish and placed it carefully on his tray, before proceeding to pile chocolate pudding on it with the serving spoon. </p><p>“Oh, go on, tell me, since you’re so keen to be a nuisance,” the Doctor said. “I haven’t got all day.” He glanced towards the windows of the dining room, and glanced around for a moment, hoping that Jo wasn’t in there or had seen the Master.</p><p>“I’m thinking,” the Master said as he got a slice of cake as well. </p><p>“Thinking of what?” the Doctor said. He grabbed a few chocolate chip cookies and put them on the edge of his plate.</p><p>“Let us sit down with your food, and then I’ll tell you what I’m thinking, Doctor,” the Master said with his subtle smile. </p><p>The Doctor frowned. Whatever the Master was thinking, it couldn’t be any good. </p><p>Soon, the two Time Lords found a table that was out of the way, in a corner of the dining room. Luckily, it was at a spot that would require someone to be up close in the dining room in order for someone to see them.</p><p>The Master started to salt his mashed potatoes, not even looking at the Doctor.</p><p>The Doctor had set his  tray down in front of him and crossed his arms, leaning back in the chair with his legs crossed. “Well, what is it that you’re thinking?”</p><p>The Master took a bite of his mashed potatoes and closed his eyes, appearing to be savoring them. He lifted a finger to signal for the Doctor to wait for his answer. After a moment that felt like forever, the Master dabbed his mouth with a napkin. </p><p>“I’m thinking, Doctor. If you want to protect your precious Miss Grant and the integrity of her holiday so much, you will do exactly as I say.” The Master had lifted his tissue compression eliminator just enough for the Doctor to see its business end peaking above the tabletop. </p><p>“All right then. What do you want?” the Doctor asked testily. </p><p>“If I find you trying to sabotage my plans, Doctor, or any other manner of funny business, I promise you, I will make her holiday the most miserable holiday she will ever have in her short little life.”</p><p>The Doctor dragged a sigh of annoyance. “All right. What is it that you want?”</p><p>“I’m still thinking about that,” the Master said as he worked on sawing through his steak with a knife. “I insist that you go on and eat. You wouldn’t want to sit in here so long that Miss Grant sees us here together and let the sight ruin her holiday.”</p><p>The Doctor grabbed a cookie and nibbled on it half-heartedly as he looked over his shoulder to see if Jo or any of the other UNIT members were in there. When he saw that none of them were in there, he turned back to the Master as slight relief washed over him. </p><p>“Haven’t been using your little hypnosis trick on any of the workers or the passengers aboard this ship, have you?” the Doctor asked.</p><p>“So what if I have been?” The Master stuck a piece of steak into his mouth. “You can’t go back on our deal, no matter what I’ve done since I’ve been aboard. You know what will happen if you do.”</p><p>The Doctor went back to nibbling on his cookie as the Master ate as quickly as he ever did. He wondered how the other Time Lord managed to look so polite when eating like he had been starved for a century. This was indeed the drama queen that he was being forced to help, with Jo’s life and holiday both at stake. </p><p>The Doctor had already began to think of ways he could best the Master this time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. O' Captain, My Captain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Doctor and the Master bickered quietly the entire time they darted through the corridors of the ship. At one point, the Doctor had to pull the Master along so they could hide in a cozy little supply cupboard when he heard the Brig, Yates and Benton approaching. The three men seemed as lost as a chicken without its head as they continued their search for the sauna. The Doctor, who had met multiple headless chickens, soon decided that the headless chickens had superior navigation skills to UNIT. </p><p>The Doctor tried to keep his breathing quiet when he and the Master were in the supply cupboard, but it was difficult to breathe in quietly as he tried to take note of what the Master smelt like. The Doctor was able to detect notes of beard oil, hair gel, cigars, and cologne. </p><p>The Master rolled his eyes as UNIT passed the supply cupboard noisily. “You have the worst taste in pets, Doctor,” he hissed.</p><p>The Doctor was silent until he was sure that they were long gone. He pushed the door open and allowed the Master to step out first. “Well, for starters, they aren’t pets. They are just as capable of free will and articulation as we are, if not more so. They are by no means perfect, but they are still my friends and I care for them very deeply.”</p><p>“Follow me to the stairwell, Doctor. It’s more convenient than any lift. We’ll go to the control deck from there,” the Master said. </p><p>The Doctor wondered where the Master was taking the cruise, but he kept his thoughts to himself as he followed him to the stairwell. He nearly stopped right on the Master’s heels as he wondered what extraterrestrial people he was hoping to establish an alliance with.</p><p>The Master’s façade of good will and friendly intentions had not in anyway convinced the Doctor. In fact, the Doctor felt even more suspicious of the Master’s schemes than usual. The Doctor hypothesized that the Master was forming an alliance in order to build military powers to take over the universe. Just as predicable and boring as ever.</p><p>They soon reached the control deck, indeed faster than they would have if they had taken the lift. The Master made the Doctor enter before him, and then he shut the door behind him and pulled a drawer open. He pulled a map out of the drawer, his gaze concentrated on it as he unfolded it and placed it on the dashboard.</p><p>“Do you see the course I have charted for the cruise? Simply a splendid holiday destination, with storms that go on for days, missing naval ships, and unexplained wormholes that seem to transport aeroplanes,” the Master said with a devious twitch of his lips as he pointed to the Bermuda Triangle.</p><p>“You know just as well as I that everything that has occurred in the Bermuda Triangle has a logical and scientific explanation, no matter how strange. I could create an apparatus to protect the ship from the odd magnetism, as a matter of fact,” the Doctor said as he looked from the map to the Master.</p><p>“And that is exactly what you are going to do,” the Master said. “The people I plan to contact will need that sort of protection as well, when they meet me at the rendezvous point. I have a teleportation device that will send any object to them, and you will create one for the ship and for their spacecraft.”</p><p>“How long is the voyage to the rendezvous point of your selection?” the Doctor asked.</p><p>“I estimate that it will be three days. That way we can make the journey to the Bermuda Triangle without rousing the suspicion of the passengers, I can make my alliance, and then we can return to that silly little Florida place. I’ll have my alliance, as well as my paycheck from the cruise,” the Master said, his expression as smug as ever.</p><p>“Three days. Yes, that should give me plenty of time to make both devices.” And to come up with a plan to defeat the Master and save Jo’s holiday.</p><p> </p><p>The Doctor left the control deck upon promising to return in the evening after everyone had gone to bed. He had, after all, agreed with the others to meet them for dinner. He wasn’t very much hungry, but he would eat for the sake of keeping appearances.</p><p>The Doctor freshened himself up in the loo that was attached to his cabin, then he met Jo at the end of the corridor. She had changed into an orange floral sundress, and she looked a little sunburnt.</p><p>“Good evening, Jo,” he said with a smile. He was relieved to see her safe after having spent the afternoon in the control deck with the Master.</p><p>“Good evening, Doctor. I suppose you found something that interested you?” she said cheerfully as they started walking to the lift. He pushed the button to open it and allowed her to step in first.</p><p>“Yes, indeed, I have, Jo,” the Doctor said as he entered the lift and pushed the button to the floor. “I befriended the captain and he was just showing me some of the mechanisms to the navigation systems. It’s quite interesting, indeed.”</p><p>“That’s just splendid, Doctor! What’s his name? I think I’d like to meet him, at least, before the cruise is over,” Jo said. </p><p>The Doctor swallowed as blood rushed from his face. His mind scrambled for a quick lie that he could remember easily. “He’s Captain Tom Man. He says he isn’t very sociable, and we had only happened to meet in the dining room. I’ll ask him if he’d like to meet you, if that’s what you’d really like.”</p><p>“If he’s very shy, it’s all right if I don’t meet him,” Jo said as there was a ding from the lift and the door slid open. </p><p>The Brig, Yates, and Benton waited just outside of the lift, still pouring over the map of the ship. </p><p>“The sauna should be right here.” Yates jabbed at the map. </p><p>“We’ve already searched there, mate,” Benton said.</p><p>“We’ll continue our search in the morning. I’m famished and I want to retire to my cabin as soon as I’ve finished my meal,” the Brig said.</p><p>“Still searching for that sauna?” the Doctor asked with a good-natured smile. </p><p>“Unfortunately, Doctor,” the Brig replied. </p><p>“Have you asked any of the workers on board? Surely someone would know where you can find the sauna,” the Doctor said as the group started to the dining hall. </p><p>“I… I hadn’t thought of that,” he replied as he opened the door of the dining hall. “Will you find us a table, Benton?”</p><p>“Yes sir,” Benton said as he headed into the dining hall. </p><p>“Care to join us to the sauna tomorrow, Doctor? Surely you would be of help to us to find it.” </p><p>“No, thank you. I already have plans for tomorrow.”</p><p>“What plans?” Jo asked.</p><p>“To spend more time examining the systems in the control deck, of course,” the Doctor said with a slight flick of his head. “What about you?”</p><p>“May I ask why, Doctor?” the Brig asked. </p><p>“Why I plan to spend time examining the control decks systems?”</p><p>“Yes, exactly. If there’s any trouble, Doctor, you must inform me at once.”</p><p>“There isn’t any trouble, Brigadier. It’s all going to be smooth sailing, I promise. I simply find the machinery to be rather fascinating.” He looked up as Benton waved them over to a table for the group to sit at. </p><p>Smooth sailing, indeed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Where in the World is Sergeant Benton?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Doctor returned to the control deck a few hours later to find the Master erratically scribbling away at a piece of paper with a bright red wax crayon. He blinked for a moment as the Master didn’t so much as acknowledge his presence.</p><p>“What on earth are you doing?” the Doctor asked as he turned to make sure that the doors were securely shut. </p><p>The Master didn’t reply as he continued to scribble away. The Doctor stepped forward to peer over the Master’s shoulder to see quick red circles of their native language. The Master snapped the piece of paper from the Doctor’s view, folding it up and sticking it into his pocket.</p><p>“What were you writing?” the Doctor snapped.</p><p>“I would take care of my tone if I were you, Doctor. You know what happens if you displease me,” the Master said, his dark eyes burning. </p><p>“My apologies,” the Doctor said dryly. “May I ask what you were writing?”</p><p>“You will find out soon enough. I suggest you get back to work on the devices. You certainly cannot afford to waste any time. How has Miss Grant’s holiday been?” The Master turned to thumb through an instruction manual. </p><p>“Splendid. Just splendid,” the Doctor said. He didn’t wish to elaborate, as the reveal of Jo’s most frequent larks on the cruise could possibly establish a pattern in the Master’s mind for him to use to his advantage to bring harm to Jo. He sat in one of the seats and grabbed a few pieces to tinker together. He lifted his sonic screwdriver from his pocket to expediate his work.</p><p>The two Time Lords worked together in silence for the most part, with the occasional snap from both of them. The Doctor’s brain felt like it was a captive beast that was growling in frustration as he fixed pieces together for the magnetism stabilizers. The silence wasn’t helping. </p><p>When they were still Theta Sigma and Koschei, the Doctor and the Master would be having a conversation about something enjoyable, such as the best methods to catapult stars to collapse into each other or some sort of tacky fad they scorned their peers for partaking in. The silence only reminded the Doctor of the distance between him and the Master that existed, but could be bridged if he could simply find the right words to say to him. </p><p>The Doctor could never seem to find the right words for the Master. </p><p>“Who are you meeting, anyhow?” the Doctor asked him. </p><p>“Now Doctor, the less you know, the better,” was the Master’s response as he used his finger to move the steering wheel lazily. “Remember our deal. If you attempt to sabotage my plans, Jo will have the worst holiday of her life, and it will certainly be her last."</p><p>“Yes, I know. Thank you for the reminder anyhow,” the Doctor murmured. He set the pieces and his sonic screwdriver on his lap and looked at the Master. Three days. That was three days that the Doctor had to defeat the Master, without ruining anything else. Perhaps, with three days he would have no need to defeat him. Maybe the Doctor could convince the Master to set aside his foolish ambitions and be his friend again. </p><p>The Master looked up from the navigation system. “You may go to your cabin now, Doctor. That’s plenty enough work done for the evening.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” the Doctor asked. “I could keep going, you know.”</p><p>“Well, if you don’t return to your cabin at a reasonable time, your little pets may notice. And I do intend to keep my end of the bargain, even if you do not.” </p><p>“Ah. Thank you. Have a good night,” the Doctor said as he stood up from his seat. He set the pieces of the devices onto the dashboard carefully. </p><p>The Master had stood up as well. “One more thing.”</p><p>Before the Doctor could open his mouth to utter a single word, the Master thrust the Doctor up against the door, gripping his shirt so tight that the poor Clangers on the pattern were being choked. The Doctor’s eyes widened. </p><p>The Master looked over the Doctor’s face, his dark eyes hungrier than usual. He pushed the Doctor against the door more, pressing up against him with his whole body. The scent of the Master’s beard oil caught in the Doctor’s nose again as the Master’s breath hit his neck and chin. </p><p>“I will be able to see if you exit your cabin. I will be able to see if you go to one of those UNIT people, or Miss Grant. I have the means to kill anyone you try to warn,” the Master hissed. His eyes flickered across the Doctor’s face for a moment longer, then he released his shirt and pulled back.</p><p>“I see. Well, then.” The Doctor cleared his throat, his hearts still pounding from feeling the Master up against him. “Have a good evening.”</p><p> </p><p>After breakfast and after declining Jo’s invitation to go to the spa with her, the Doctor headed for the control deck to get back to work building that device and devising a way to sabotage the Master without his knowledge. He was rather disappointed that he had to decline Jo’s invitation. The Doctor had really wanted a mani-pedi, and a facial. </p><p>He started to heave a sigh, but stopped when he spotted the Brig and Yates just at the end of the corridor. </p><p>“Still having trouble?” he asked. </p><p>“As a matter of fact, we are in more trouble than we started out with,” the Brigadier said. “We lost Benton.”</p><p>“He was just behind us, and then he vanished,” Yates said. “It was like he had never joined us.”</p><p>“I’ll keep an eye out for him. I’m sure he can’t have gone far.” The Doctor forced a kindly smile. </p><p>“Thank you, Doctor. All right, Yates, let’s sweep the area,” the Brig said, and the two headed separate directions down the corridor. </p><p>If the Master hadn’t been on board, the Doctor would have been chuckling quietly. Knowing the Master’s morbid penchant for authentic dolls, the Doctor couldn’t possibly laugh. He hurried on to the control deck.</p><p>“Good morning,” the Master said as he flicked through another instruction manual.</p><p>“Where is Sergeant Benton,” the Doctor demanded.</p><p>“Oh, he’s perfectly safe, Doctor. You needn’t worry your lovely little head about him,” the Master said as he licked his fingers to turn the page. </p><p>“Tell me where his is,” the Doctor snapped. </p><p>“I don’t think that will be necessary. Now, back to work. Chop chop.”</p><p>“No,” the Doctor said.</p><p>The Master shut the book, his spine straightening. “What did you just say?”</p><p>“No. I will not get back to work until you inform me of the location of Sergeant Benton,” the Doctor said, “In fact, I will challenge you to a duel if that is the only way to get the answer from you.”</p><p>“Then duel me, you shall.” The Master produced two rapiers from his pockets as he stood up, his gaze burning.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Master Makes A Splash</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy 50th to the Master! In honor of their fantastic half a century, I will be posting both Chapter 5 and Chapter 6 today! :) Enjoy :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was all a clash of rapiers from there. The two Time Lords clanged the weapons together and moved throughout the layout of the cruise like they were doing an elaborate waltz. The Doctor hardly noticed where they were, or that they had reached the top deck. </p><p>The Doctor was nearly thrown overboard, but he ducked the swipe of the Master’s rapier and jumped past him. </p><p>In a moment, the two were engaged in their fight by the swimming pool. The Doctor spotted the faintest glimmer of blond hair not too far from the swimming pool. Without even thinking, the Doctor shoved the Master into the swimming pool.</p><p>Just in time, too, as Jo called, “Doctor!”</p><p>She scurried up to him on her heels, her hands stretched in front of her with the fingers spread apart. “You all right, Doctor? I just got finished--they wanted to wax my eyebrows and give me a facial and put nice hot stones on my legs and everything! Don’t they look pretty?” Her nails were certainly pretty, all painted in pearly pink with white French tips. </p><p>“Yes, they do, Jo. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.” He smiled genuinely, though he looked to the pool from the corner of his eye. The Master hadn’t emerged from the water, and the Doctor was quite sure that he could hold his breath long enough for Jo to leave without spotting him.</p><p>“Well, I’m going to go get something to eat now. Have you seen the others?”</p><p>“I saw the Brigadier and Yates earlier, but they lost Benton. I’m sure he’ll turn up. Let them know if you happen to see him,” the Doctor replied. “Have a nice meal, Jo.”</p><p>“All right, I will! To both things!” Jo waved to him and waddled off to the dining hall.</p><p>The Doctor knelt towards the pool once she was out of sight. “You can come out now,” he murmured against the water. </p><p>The Doctor stood back up as the Master kicked himself up to the surface. He was fuming quietly. </p><p>“Now, tell me where Benton is,” the Doctor said as he handed the Master the rapier back. </p><p>The Master glowered, water droplets sliding down his face. “He found his way to the sauna. He is perfectly safe, I assure you, so long as he hasn’t boiled in there.”</p><p>The Doctor raised his eyebrows. “Ah. Why didn’t you just say so?”</p><p>The Master rolled his eyes as he stepped towards a basket full of towels. He put one up on his head in a twist, and then wrapped another around his shoulders. </p><p>“Now, I need to take a shower before the chlorine ruins my hair,” he fumed. “You will get back to work on those devices. My patience is already tried and tested enough. I ought to start making Miss Grant’s holiday horrific now, but I won’t.”</p><p>The Doctor wondered if it was because the Master really needed him that he hadn’t resolved to bring harm to Jo yet.</p><p>“Come along, now,” the Master said. </p><p>The Master had sent the Doctor to grab the pieces to the device and bring them to the captain’s cabin. The Doctor was now on his way back to the cabin, wondering how long the Master’s pretty hair routine and beard grooming routine and shower routines took altogether. Probably at least three hours, and the Master didn’t want the Doctor to do anything out of earshot while he was grooming and bathing himself.</p><p>The Doctor knocked on the door.</p><p>“Come in, Doctor,” the Master called.</p><p>The Doctor slowly opened the door. He couldn’t hear any water running as he peered around the door. </p><p>The Master was sitting on the bed with shorts and a dressing gown on as he held a hand mirror and combed his beard carefully. “I’m just about to get in the shower. You can work at the writing desk there.” He pointed with the hand that held the comb before he set both the comb and the mirror down on the bed. He stood up, his gaze brushing up the Doctor. </p><p>“All right,” the Doctor said with a slight nod. </p><p>The Master didn’t say another word as he entered the bathroom. The doorknob clicked as he locked it. </p><p>The Doctor silently sat at the writing desk and spread the pieces of the device out. He pulled his sonic screwdriver out and began to assemble some of them together.</p><p>The Doctor worked for about an hour to the sound of the shower, then worked for another thirty minutes to the sound of a blow dryer. He looked over his shoulder as the Master exited the bathroom, already wearing a fresh captain’s uniform. </p><p>“Good work, Doctor,” he said as he straightened his tie. “I see you have progressed quite nicely in your little task.”</p><p>“Why, thank you.” The Doctor smiled a bit. “Did you have a relaxing shower?”</p><p>The Master simply looked at the Doctor for a moment. “Was it all that necessary for you to challenge me to a duel? You never would have had to shove me into a pool if you simply got to work as I had commanded.”</p><p>“Your arrogance doesn’t complement you, no matter how much you may think it does. Am I not allowed to be worried for my friends? They are in danger so long as you are anywhere near them.” The Doctor bristled as he stepped out of the desk chair.</p><p>“Nor does yours, Doctor. You do know that your so-called friends are no more than mere children who will breathe one moment and perish the next. They are simply a blip. As fleeting as a daffodil on a day that’s just a bit too hot.” The Master had stepped close to the Doctor, the scent of soap mingling with the scent of his beard oil and hair gel.</p><p>“So?” the Doctor demanded.</p><p>“All I’m saying is that you are better off without these humans. It will hurt your bleeding hearts far more than they’re worth,” the Master said. “I am simply telling you the truth, and you need to face the truth sooner or later. Your fondness for humans is, after all, part of the reason you were banished to Earth to begin with.”</p><p>The Doctor took in a quiet breath. “You don’t understand, and I cannot expect you to.” He felt his hand brush against the Master’s. </p><p>The Master snatched his hand, squeezing it tightly. “I am urging you, Doctor. Perhaps if the Time Lords see that you do not care for the humans so much as you used to, they may end your banishment and return the knowledge of time travel to you.”</p><p>The Doctor leaned his forehead against the Master’s. “You know that I can’t do that. You know that I won’t.”</p><p>“What can I say or do to make you understand?” the Master hissed pleadingly.</p><p>The Doctor leaned in close to him.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Every Time We Kiss I Get This Feeling That You Might Want to Kill Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Doctor and the Master kissed tenderly, with the Master breathing heavily. The Doctor gave the Master’s hands a squeeze as their lips brushed, the Master’s beard tickling his face just slightly. </p><p>The Master pulled back a moment later and the Doctor looked down at his feet as he stepped away. There was a coldness when their hands slipped apart.</p><p>“I think,” the Master said in a low voice. “That you should go greet your little pets now. Before they can suspect. It must be sometime around…” He looked over at a clock. The Doctor knew that he didn’t really need to look at the clock to know what time it was.</p><p>“Five o’clock,” the Doctor said. He cleared his throat and took a few steps towards the door.“Yes. I suppose I should be going.” He paused at the door for a moment, his gaze brushing over the Master. “Thank you.”</p><p>He ducked out of the room before the Master could say anything else. His hearts were beating rapidly and he found himself out of breath before he head even taken five steps down the corridor. </p><p>It was always like this. Sometimes, when they met, they would kiss, and then they would act as though it had never happened. It was their standard protocol for such… such affection. </p><p>The Doctor grumbled a bit as he entered the lift. He wished that it wasn’t this way. Once upon a time they had been together, and they talked of possibly making a life together. Then came the insanity, the mind games, the sabotage, the arguing. Things happened, in between then and now. Many of which had been good, but there had been many sad things as well. </p><p>And the Master wasn’t there for any of those things. </p><p>The Doctor and the Master had left Gallifrey, but not together. They had promised to see each and every star together. To be best friends and be together until every star, every planet, every other cosmic majesty collapsed and faded. </p><p>Now, the Doctor feared that they would be archenemies until that fateful hour arrived.</p><p>The Doctor gnawed on the inside of his cheeks as he remembered the kiss. Had he kissed the Master’s current self before, or was he simply longing? Had he simply gotten the Master’s previous faces and bodies mixed up in his mind? He couldn't tell.</p><p>The Doctor forced himself to focus on the present by the time the door of the lift slid open. He had to remember that defeating the Master before it was too late should be his top priority. </p><p>After all, never had a kiss turned the Master’s hearts to kinder ways.</p>
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